Nut Jobs! I get it..

Why is dating so difficult today and have dating Apps created more barriers to finding authentic relationships rather than helping to cement them?
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Most times just saying hello seems to leave you stranded on a desolated island with pure silence and wondering WTF just happened, and If you managed to get past the initial introduction, it’s like walking a tight rope, and one possible miss step leads to you being ghosted again!


In helping both MEN and WOMEN understand themselves and how to be authentic in relationships,
most have a challenge in being genuine and it seems there is an invisible barrier that is difficult or almost impossible to get through, so it begs the question:


Can we really measure up someone’s character from a text message?


At what point and when is it exactly, that we feel we are wasting our time and feel justified to ghost someone or end up being ghosted ourselves?


And I can understand why people especially women are reluctant to open up. Some individuals that use the safety of anonymity behind a screen, feel they have full liberty, to be an ASSHOLE and sexually harass people. I found myself being on the receiving side of this a few times. Yes! even men are harassed. As I scroll through the endless matches on Tinder and other dating apps, the first hurdle to overcome is sussing out the perfect profile.


Everything has to be curated and it’s often difficult to deduce: Who could I actually find something meaningful with here? Firstly they need to be attractive, secondly not a fake but well adjusted individual, thirdly the conversation and rapport need to flow..


How many times have you seen someone’s profile and thought: 

He’s hot! or She is hot! 


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Only to meet and find the pictures you saw online fell way short of your estimation of that person and hid their buck teeth (not to mention that buck teeth are your pet peeve!) or consequently you dissed someone because they did not respond to your messages quickly and when you met them in real life you realised that they just happen to be very slow and deliberate in nature. The slight may not have been intended but you took it as a personal rejection. Or someone was endearing and charming and sweet online but when you meet them on a date, you wonder how you could have been so blind to their crudeness because the person who seemed so perfect for you online is not remotely close to your ideal happily ever after

Let me ask this, if we are all looking for love and companionship, what does it take to have a decent conversation that might lead to something more meaningful and CAN TEXTING actually help achieve this?
Research also suggests that texting has the power to both help and hinder your relationship.

We largely interpret social signals from body language and tonality when we interact with people face to face.

One of the main challenges in texting is that there is no tonality and body language. It leaves room for personal interpretation. A few sentences can be taken out of context and messages can become misconstrued and misinterpreted.

“I met this individual and we started texting.. It was going great, she was at the beach and I texted her saying: send me a pic or 3. After that, I never got a response or heard from her again!”

My client was just intending to be friendly however the woman he was texting was likely thinking: stalker much! The ambiguity in his statement could have meant a lot of different things to the other person.

We are all looking for something real! Can we truly be real if we are hiding behind the safety of our phones?


In-person intimacy is always a better option!

A lot of times our first conversation via the dating app feels like I am being interviewed.

My match has prepared 150 questions. Intimacy in relationships is all about being dynamic, raw, vulnerable, it’s a sense, a feeling. At times it’s illogical and irrational. Are you trying to attract your next “employee” or a “soul mate”?

My personal approach is to try to go old school as quickly as possible! It means to move off the platform and socially interact with your prospective match. Use the texting platform to initiate small talk, to break the ice. When we just stick to texting, there is a missing element of polarity.  Energy that attracts energy. There is a subtleness in in-person communication. Body language, tonality, personality all shines through clearly. This subconscious art of relating rarely comes through via texting.

I have a very dry sense of humor and it rarely works when I’m texting.

Have we become too afraid to take that leap of faith and trust that it might work if we are willing to
go out on a limb? Do we use these platforms to create a sense of safety first? Is that just a reflection of our own insecurities around intimacy?

If you’re frequently disappointed in the way your texting sessions are going:-

Here are some of the pitfalls of texting that kills the mood very quickly

Miscommunication and misunderstanding:

We already spoke about this above, however, it’s a key point that is often overlooked.

Excessive Texting:

We so desperately want it to work, we might drop back into some of our own subconscious patterns of insecurity and go on rambling away on text. Anytime one partner texts the other excessively, this is a warning sign. It could come across as clingy and needy or feeling insecure in the relationship. The receiving person often feels smothered.

Conflict Resolution:

This might not pertain directly to the initiation of a relationship however many of us fall into this trap very quickly. Never try to resolve any conflict by texting. You are just adding fuel to the fire. Arrange a time to talk in person.

I am curious about your experiences!

Share your thoughts, experiences around using texting as a dating tool



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